


further away

by poutyongs



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mentions of the other members, this is super angsty...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poutyongs/pseuds/poutyongs
Summary: “I’m so disappointed in myself.”Minho barely makes out what Hyunjin’s trying to say, his voice laced with sobs and tremors, but he sits back down and starts rubbing gentle circles on Hyunjin’s back. It’s a sign that he’s listening, and he knows Hyunjin understands it.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 8
Kudos: 133





	further away

**Author's Note:**

> i really wanted to write this after minho shared his story of crying by himself on radio, and i also wanted an excuse to include the sweet message he sent on bubble about how the sky is blue despite how it can become cloudy at times! :')  
> i hope you enjoy, because this definitely hurt to write oh my god

When Minho enters his room after showering, pulling a shirt on while thinking about what he’s going to do for the next hour or two before sleeping, he notices a clumped up bunch of blankets resembling a person’s figure on Hyunjin’s bed. 

“I’m back,” he announces halfheartedly, jumping onto his bed and unlocking his phone. “Why aren’t you outside with the others watching Harry Potter?” 

When there’s no response from the other boy, Minho slightly raises an eyebrow, wondering if Hyunjin isn’t actually there and it’s really just a well-made pile of his sheets. He shrugs and stands back up, walking towards his closet to see if any of the members had done laundry today, when he hears a small sniffle. 

It’s hushed, barely audible, and Minho ponders for a second if he misheard it. But it’s _Hyunjin_ , and he’s probably crying over something he watched or read again, since it wouldn’t be the first time. 

“What drama did you get too invested in this time?” Minho snorts, slowly examining his rack of sweaters. 

And when the only reply the other boy offers is another hushed sniffle, Minho realizes that it’s not a drama or a movie or a book he’s crying over. Not at all. 

He shuts his closet, heading over to the door and gingerly closing it to ensure some level of privacy, and approaches Hyunjin’s bed. 

“Hyunjin?” 

When he sees the figure wrapped up in blankets momentarily shake, his heart clenches. He gently sits down on the edge of Hyunjin’s bed, placing a hand on his back. “Are you alright?” 

If the other boy doesn’t say anything, or if he motions him away, Minho would be perfectly fine with giving him his personal space and minding his own business. The bad thing about sharing a room with multiple people is that - well, you have basically zero privacy. 

There’s no response, so Minho slowly gets up, slipping his phone inside his pocket and deciding the best course of action would be to join the other members in the living room to allow Hyunjin the time he needs, but he’s stopped in his tracks by a shaky voice. 

“I’m so disappointed in myself.” 

Minho barely makes out what Hyunjin’s trying to say, his voice laced with sobs and tremors, but he sits back down and starts rubbing gentle circles on Hyunjin’s back. It’s a sign that he’s listening, and he knows Hyunjin understands it. 

“Did you see the comments on the Hard Carry cover I did with the other idols?” 

Ah. Minho knows Hyunjin’s been stressing over this performance for a while now, getting home past 1 am while practicing by himself, his usual cheery demeanor suppressed by the worries clouding his mind. But he had done well, so amazingly well; the members had hyped him up so aggressively that night that Hyunjin had not been able to resist a shy smile along with the blush creeping onto his cheeks, so why -- 

“A lot of people were disappointed by it. They said it seemed really rushed, put together at the last minute, and it wasn’t powerful enough. We apparently weren’t in sync, our singing was bad, and we had no stage presence.” 

Hyunjin sounds out of breath by the time he finishes, and Minho’s brows furrow at the heartbreaking way the other boy is repeating ridiculous hate comments with his own mouth. 

Of course Hyunjin would read the negative comments. Of course Hyunjin would take them to heart. 

Minho knows that as idols, hate comments are inevitable, and that people will find _anything_ to comment something mean about. He’s learned over the years to ignore them, and it’s been a relatively easy task for him, knowing that he has thousands of fans that recognize him for his hard work. 

But Hyunjin has the most gentle heart, his longing to be liked by everyone stronger than anyone Minho had ever met, and he’s witnessed Hyunjin's bright smile fall immediately multiple times after reading a single disrespectful comment. 

The anger he feels whenever that happens is incomparable. To completely shatter someone’s radiant smile like that - someone with the purest, most _genuine_ soul - it angers Minho to no end. 

“Hyunjin, there were so many people who were impressed by that performance. You did so well.” His voice comes out tighter than he intended due to the anger, so he resumes rubbing circles against Hyunjin’s back. 

Hyunjin is silent for a bit, Minho noticing how _small_ his figure looks under the blankets despite how tall the boy actually is. His heart hurts, his free hand clenching into fists at how powerless he feels in the light of this situation. 

When the younger boy finally speaks up again, his voice is so small that Minho has to partially lean in to hear him properly. 

“I just feel like I let the rest of you down.” 

Hyunjin’s voice is laced with such vulnerability that Minho isn’t sure if he’s allowed to be the one next to him right now. He isn’t the best at comforting others, he knows that - if it were Chan in his place instead, he would probably know exactly what to say in this moment. 

But there’s no way Minho would leave Hyunjin now, especially not after he’s allowed himself to become so unravelled in front of him. And before he can say a single word, Hyunjin takes in a deep breath and continues. 

“Whenever I do something individually, like this performance or even when I’m on Music Core, I feel like - I feel like I’m representing all of you. Stray Kids as a whole,” Hyunjin pauses, and his breath hitches, which prompts Minho to slip his hand under the covers and search for the other boy’s. “If I do something wrong, that gives the general public a bad impression of our group. When it’s really just my fault.” 

Softly, he adds, “I can’t take it.” 

Minho doesn’t know what to say, so he gently squeezes Hyunjin’s hand, and waits for him to continue. Minho isn’t good at comforting people, but he knows that the least he can do is listen to what he has to say earnestly.

Hyunjin suddenly sits up, turning his head towards Minho, and Minho’s heart shatters into a million pieces at the younger boy’s tear soaked face and tired eyes. He looks exhausted, like he hasn’t gotten proper rest in weeks, and Minho silently acknowledges that he probably hasn’t. 

Hyunjin looks down, looking ashamed. “I’m sorry for dumping this on you. I don’t know why I’m such a crybaby, I wish I could be as strong as you hyung.” 

He sounds so dejected, so _sad_ , like he hates himself, and Minho absolutely despises seeing him like this. 

“I’m not any stronger than you,” Minho whispers, Hyunjin’s eyes locking with his when he says that, “did I ever tell you that when we first debuted, I was so overwhelmed on stage that I cried?” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widen. 

“It was my first time wearing an in-ear, I wasn’t sure what I was doing, and then I sang the wrong note, and it was all just too much that I found a secluded place after and cried by myself for hours.” 

The younger boy seems speechless at that, so Minho offers him a small smile and gently swipes a tear from under his left eye, his heart clenching as his thumb brushes against his beauty mark. 

“And you should never feel responsible for our group’s image,” Minho continues, talking slowly to ensure that he chooses appropriate words, “you would never bring us down, and we would never blame you for anything. In fact, we’re all so grateful that you’re putting yourself out there and giving our group exposure. Seriously.” 

Hyunjin breaks into tears again at that, and Minho slightly panics, thinking he said something wrong. 

But when Hyunjin flashes a tiny smile, one so barely visible, Minho relaxes. He hesitates for a second, but then opens his mouth again. 

“This might be stupid, but I read from somewhere that the sky is always blue no matter what. When it rains or when it’s dark, it might look grey, but above and beyond those clouds, the sky will always be blue. That fact is never going to change.” 

When Hyunjin blinks at him, Minho clears his throat and continues. “Anyway, the point is that everything will pass, and in the end, you have all of us by your side. That fact is never going to change.” 

And there it is. That bright smile Minho has gotten so used to for the past couple years. The smile that shines with such profound innocence and love for the world that Minho can’t help but stare at. The smile that has been difficult to spot these days, instead replaced by tired eyes framed with dark bags and lips curved down. 

He wants to protect it, to shield it from the world, to ensure that it never loses its charm. Because deep inside, he’s unbearably afraid that one day, Hyunjin will no longer be capable of smiling like that, pain and worry and stress and pressure burying it into the void. 

“Get some rest, we have a big schedule tomorrow” Minho says, and when Hyunjin nods and pulls the sheets over his head, Minho quietly walks over to his own bed and lies down heavily. 

When Seungmin walks in about half an hour later, all smiles and bright eyes, Minho and Hyunjin are both sound asleep in their respective beds, although what he doesn’t know is that Minho is only pretending to be asleep, his mind clouded with worry.

Hyunjin seems fine the next morning, groaning while stumbling out of bed after Jeongin had come in and tickled him until he woke up. When Minho notices him walk out of their room, having already been awake for some time now, he flashes him a hesitant smile that’s, thankfully, returned immediately. Hyunjin plops down on the couch, scanning the living room until he notices Changbin in the kitchen cutting fruit. Most likely deciding that Changbin cutting fruit is more interesting than whatever fishing show Minho had put on TV, he strolls over to the kitchen, letting out a small snort when he sees Changbin trying to use a potato peeler to peel a pear. 

“I don’t think that’s right, hyung,” he says mockingly, as Changbin shoots him a dirty look. 

“You’re not having any of these pears.” 

Hyunjin immediately protests, pouting and whining in his own cute way that none of the other members can really resist, and Minho can’t help the smile that creeps up onto his lips at how _normal_ Hyunjin seems after last night. Of course, he could just be pretending, suppressing his worries as he usually does, but Minho knows that Hyunjin isn’t weak despite his claims to be. He’s strong, which is why he could even get to where he is now, and Minho trusts that this is another obstacle that he can overcome to become an even stronger person. 

“What are you all having for lunch? Before we head out for our schedule,” Jisung asks, his voice groggy, as he walks out of his room. Minho smirks at the way his hair is stuck out all over the place. 

“I ordered sushi,” Minho replies, his eyes now glued onto the TV screen where the fisherman is sharing his haul of the day to the camera. 

“You ordered sushi?!” Hyunjin asks, his head now perched cutely on Changbin’s shoulder as the latter continues to struggle over peeling pear. 

“Did you want some too? I could’ve ordered you some, but you woke up too late,” Minho shrugs as the younger boy rolls his eyes. “Not my fault my alarm clock wasn’t efficient enough today.” 

“Hey!” Jeongin shouts from the corner of the couch where he’s sending a good morning message on bubble. 

“Whatever, I’ll steal some from you,” Hyunjin says casually, sitting down on the couch again, brows furrowing in slight disgust at the fish on the screen. 

Minho hums, not giving him an answer, but they both know he’ll share some. He always does. 

But when Hyunjin only has two pieces of Minho’s salmon roll before getting up from his chair, Minho eyes him suspiciously. “That’s all you’re having? You can have more, I ordered enough.” 

“I’m not hungry. I’m gonna go wash up now,” Hyunjin replies nonchalantly, ignoring Minho’s piercing glare as he heads to the washroom. 

No one pays him much attention, all too focused on their own meal, but Minho’s senses have been geared towards Hyunjin all morning. He sighs, knowing he can’t do much about it right now, but he knows he’ll have to have a chat with him if this continues. 

In the car headed towards their pre-recording of Gayo Daejun, Hyunjin seems more than fine, loudly talking and singing along with the other members with a bright smile on his face. Minho’s worries slightly dissipate, since it wouldn’t be too weird that the other boy would experience a loss of appetite after last night, but he doesn’t allow his attention to skew to anything else other than Hyunjin. 

In the waiting room, Hyunjin is lying on the floor, wrapped up in his giant parka while scrolling on his phone. And when one of the staff members from SBS delivers them a dozen milk teas as a treat, various flavours included, all the members immediately sprint towards the drinks. 

Well, all the members except for Hyunjin. Minho thinks he’s just tired, too lazy to get up from his position on the floor, so he asks him what flavour he wants from where he’s standing. “There’s chocolate, taro, earl grey, strawberry, and caramel. You usually have strawberry, right? I can bring it to you.” 

Hyunjin glances at where Minho is standing with the drinks spread out on the table, but he tears his eyes away a moment after, shaking his head simultaneously. “I’m cutting down on sugary stuff for now.” 

Minho can’t help the frown that places itself on his face as he turns his body to face Hyunjin directly. “What do you mean? Just have one, they’re treating us. It’s fine.” 

But Hyunjin still shakes his head, eyes glued to his phone, and Minho feels a twinge of annoyance mixed with concern. “Hyunjin, we’re all having it. You’re not going to die if you have this one drink.” 

He usually wouldn’t be so pushy - he usually just wouldn’t _care_ so much, but he had seen in Hyunjin’s eyes just now how badly he actually wants the drink. He had practically forcefully pried his gaze off of it earlier, and Minho isn’t having any of this anymore. 

“I’m not having one, hyung.” 

And that’s that. 

Except now Minho is starting to get _really_ worried, especially when Hyunjin tells him that he’s cutting off flour in his diet for the next two weeks at the dinner table later, and when all the younger boy has for breakfast hours before his music core recording is a medium iced americano, Minho decides he can’t just let this go on anymore. 

Minho hates getting involved in other people’s business. This is especially true when it comes down to his members, because he knows they’re fully capable on their own, but this situation is an exception. He tells the other members he’s going out for a walk, slipping on his shoes and wrapping a scarf around his neck before heading out the door. He notes the way Hyunjin stares at him before he leaves, but he pushes it to the back of his mind. 

He takes the bus for 20 minutes, making sure that his face is covered with a mask and baseball cap so no one recognizes him, and arrives at a salad place he frequented a lot when he was a trainee. 

It’s an expensive place, but their salad bowls are about as healthy as salads can get, and they’re surprisingly extremely filling due to the high levels of protein. He only really ever came here when he felt super hungry but was still on a diet, and when he enters the store, the owner recognizes him immediately. 

“Minho-ssi! I haven’t seen you in so long! Are you getting the usual?” 

Minho smiles at that, a bit shocked that he recognizes him after several years. “Uh, yes please. But could I get it without avocado and eggplant this time?” 

He knows Hyunjin hates those things. 

When he arrives back at the dorm, his cheeks red from the cold and his fingers practically frozen, Hyunjin looks at him suspiciously. “You took a walk for an hour?” 

Minho shrugs while he unties his scarf and hangs it up. He doesn’t fail to notice the way Hyunjin’s face is paler than usual, his face slim with tired eyes. 

“Have this,” he says, shoving the paper bag with the salad bowl inside it into Hyunjin’s arms. “It doesn’t have flour or sugar by that matter, and I’m not letting you go do music core after having only an iced americano.” 

“Huh?” Hyunjin tilts his head to the side, confusion resting on his face as he peeks inside the bag. “Wait, isn’t this the salad place from where you used to train? Did you go there? Isn’t it far?” 

Hyunjin’s eyes are wide, and Minho snorts. “You think I’d do that for you? They opened a pop-up shop near here, I saw it on my walk.” 

He holds his breath, unsure if Hyunjin will believe him, but when the other boy sighs with relief and smiles at him, striding into the kitchen for utensils, Minho’s finally able to breathe normally again. 

He knows he would feel guilty if he knew Minho had gone so out of his way for him, and Minho really doesn’t care about getting Hyunjin’s approval or special love or whatever. 

He just wants him to be alright.

That evening, when music core airs, Minho pauses his dancing and crouches in the middle of the practice room, watching attentively. 

After it’s done (as much as he hates doing this, he never searches up any of their names because of hate comments), he searches up Hyunjin’s name on Twitter, scrolling past each and every comment and making sure to take the time to screenshot nice ones. 

One stands out to him, reading _wow, who was that really cute guy with the red sweater on music core mc just now? Is he in skz? I might have to stan now_ , and Minho even goes out of his way to favourite it in his gallery after screenshotting. 

He gets to their dorm late that night, his practicing having been sidetracked. 

He doesn’t really mind. 

Monday evening, an hour before Minho has to leave with Seungmin for their radio schedule, he sits down next to Hyunjin on the couch and motions him closer. Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, but he does as told, and Minho unlocks his phone and starts showing him all the screenshots he took the other day. 

Hyunjin’s face is framed with nothing but confusion at first, slowly reading the words spelled out on Minho’s phone screen, but soon his eyes are shining, his cheeks flushed with a small smile delicately topping it all off. And when Minho gets to his favourite comment, Hyunjin can’t resist the huge grin that manifests itself on his face, and Minho has never been so grateful to be able to see Hyunjin like this - in the most pure form of pride and happiness. 

“See? You’re doing so well, and we even got a new Stay from your music core mc,” Minho remarks softly, getting up and slipping his phone into his pocket. 

“...yeah,” Hyunjin finally agrees, his eyes unable to meet Minho’s, until Minho eventually has to leave with Seungmin. 

“So, when are some moments when you’re grateful for your members on the team?” Young K asks during the radio recording, and Minho doesn’t bother hesitating before he leans into the mic immediately. 

“All the members are so hard on themselves all the time, and I feel like they don’t ever really know how well they’re actually doing. Especially Hyunjin, he has a lot of extra schedules, and he’s somehow been so on top of all of them even with everything else. He’s truly amazing, although I make fun of him all the time and do stuff like shoving tissues into his mouth,” he laughs, knowing that he should end it with a joke to allow a lighthearted mood. As expected, Young K mainly focuses on the tissue feeding part, a shocked yell coming from the other end as the three all laugh in unison. 

That night, Minho wakes up in the middle of the night because someone sneaks into his bed. It’s dark, he can’t really see anything, but he makes room for them anyway, because a part of him thinks he knows who it is. 

“Hyung,” the other boy lets out in a soft whisper, lying down next to him. Minho can make out who it is now, because even in the dark, his eyes are shining, his beauty mark ever so visible right under. 

Minho hums in encouragement, tired and still a bit frazzled from being woken up like this. 

“I just saw what you said on your radio today.” 

“Why weren’t you sleeping, Hyunjin?” Minho asks in a hushed voice, placing his hand instinctively on the younger boy’s back. 

“Oh I don’t know, I just had a lot of things to think about I guess.” 

After a moment of silence, he continues. “And I know the salad place didn’t open a pop-up store near us recently. I know you also asked them to take out the avocado and eggplant." 

Shit. Minho clenches his eyes, a flood of embarrassment washing over him. Before he can say anything, though, Hyunjin wraps his arms around him and pulls himself closer, his face placed on his chest. Minho can feel his soft breathing through his shirt.

“Thank you. Thank you for comforting me that night. Thank you for going out of your way to make sure I take care of myself. Thank you for showing me those comments after watching me on music core. Thank you for what you said on your radio today.” 

And Minho feels his face heat up, because he isn’t used to being showered with appreciation like this, especially when it’s not even necessary. He had done all those things for Hyunjin because he cares, and there’s nothing in the entire world that Minho wouldn’t do to ensure that the people he cares about are safe and well. That’s really all there is to it. 

He feels his shirt get wet, and although he knows Hyunjin is crying, his tears warm, he knows they aren’t sad tears. 

“I think I’m going to be okay,” Hyunjin whispers, Minho’s fingers slowly threading through his hair. “No, I _will_ be okay.” 

That’s all Minho needs to hear, all he ever wanted to hear, and even though he knows the other members will have a lot of questions for them in the morning, the two fall asleep like that, and despite how soggy his shirt is and how Hyunjin’s hair is poking him in the eye and how his loud breathing wakes him up multiple times again throughout the night, Minho thinks that he’s never slept so soundly. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
